She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
