Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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