no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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