we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
