She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
