Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize