U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
