You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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