Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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