It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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