you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
