So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
