Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
