I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
