is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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