party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
