Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
