OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
