this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
