Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
