If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
