I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
