I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
