I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize