I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
