are you still at the devil's house?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
