And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
