he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
