at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize