every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
