He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
