Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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