Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
