My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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