I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
