My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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