He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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