Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
