Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
