why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
