In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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