God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
