I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
