I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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