I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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