My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
