Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize