also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
