i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
