You smell like stripper and shame
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
