Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
