I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
