my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I did not marry a roomba.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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