i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need moral support for this bender
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
