at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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