so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
