Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
