Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
