he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
