I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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