I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize