she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
COCAINE IS GR8
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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