...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
