We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
