3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
