Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
