the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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