I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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